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Chris Wysocki
Caldwell, NJ

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

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Friday, 23 April 2010

Coming this Monday April 26th - Boobquake!

A nutjob Iranian cleric has inspired a worldwide phenomenon. Unfortunately for him it's not exactly the reaction he was expecting. But in a stroke of good fortune for the rest of us it's sure to be an event of epic proportions.

A one-woman mission to prove breasts don't cause earthquakes has swollen into a shirt-straining global movement. Prepare yourself for Monday, the inaugural "Boobquake."

Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi angered women's groups around the world on Monday when he claimed that promiscuous women were responsible for literally making the earth move.

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Sedighi said.

"What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?" he asked during a prayer sermon on Friday. "There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes."

Jennifer McCreight isn't about to take his advice though. She's launched a Facebook page for "Boobquake". There are 90,000 confirmed participants for Monday's event. What will these women be doing? They'll conduct a scientific experiment to prove (or more likely disprove) the veracity of Sedighi's arguments. How? By exposing their cleavage for all the world to see!

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.

So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake!

Now this is a movement that I can really get behind. Watching from the sidelines ought to be hours of fun.

For those of you who want the straight scoop, Lance quotes the U.S. Geological Survey. They assert that the frequency and severity of earthquakes has remained fairly constant for quite some time. It only seems like there are more of them, especially if you're a repressed misogynistic adherent of a seventh century ideology.

And an earthquake of a different sort swept through TV land last week when both ABC and Fox refused to air a provacative Lane Bryant lingerie ad. Could they be in on the "hide your boobs to appease Mother Gaia" schtick? Who's in charge over there anyway? A bunch of poofters?

[Boobquake fatwa motivator]

So come on ladies, strut your stuff! The multiculturalists keep telling us how much Islam contributed to the birth of science. Let's show them some science! The more science the better! IYKWIMAITYD.

To get this Boobquake rolling we'll probably need some snacks.

[cleavage and chicken fingers]

We'll want some traveling music too so you lovely ladies can sway to the beat. It's the least you can do for science!

[cleavage stereo girl]

Hopefully if you can get a nice rhythm going we can feel the earth move under our feet. I'm trembling with excitement already!

Yes, those are indeed some very sensitive seismometers she's got there!

Man, I love science!

UPDATE 26 Apr 2010 10:32:
Today's the day!

Bob Belvedere found my research inspiring which motivated him to bring us more pics of Ashley Graham (the Lane Bryant girl).

Fishersville Mike posted the obvious song reference. I saw Bob's pics of Ashley and I felt something move...

Nation of Cowards did a Rule 5 roundup while saying something about choosing between Amber Heard and his .357 Magnum. Do we have to choose?

Classic Liberal enlisted Halle Berry to explain the Value Added Tax. Ms. Berry adds value; the denizens of DC not so much.

Smitty posted Rule 5 Sunday late last night and noted my dedication to investigative journalism.

I do it for the science of course. So ladies, in the name of science, send me your Boobquake photos and videos! I promise to study them very carefully.

UPDATE 27 Apr 2010 08:57:
And the results are in...

Boobquake instigator Jen McCreight tabulated the results. She's got graphs and charts because as she puts it "I'm a geek." See for yourself:

If that's a biohazard, I'll take my chances... :-)

Donald Douglas enlisted Katy Perry in the experiment. And he found a major Babes of Boobquake photo roundup in case further study is warranted.

Posted at 16:32 by Chris Wysocki [/rule5] Comments | Perm Link |
Technorati Tags: Boobquake Rule5 Jennifer+McCreight Hojatoleslam+Kazem+Sedighi | Tweet

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