Rule 5 Weekend: Autumn Reeser rakes the leaves

Tuesday is our street's "leaf day". It's the one day our town comes by with the heavy equipment to cleanup piles of leaves from the street. We're not allowed to dump leaves in the street until 6 days prior to "leaf day".

Why?

Because, if you can beleive it, leaves cause water pollution. Remember Lisa Jackson? Before Barry foisted her bizarre version of eco-nuttiness on the whole country she was DEP Commissioner here in New Jersey. And she hated the idea of people dumping their leaves in the street and waiting for the town to get around to picking them up. Because you know, we've always done that. Well, we always did after the econuts decided we couldn't burn them anymore.

And then about 3 or 4 years ago the eco-warriors were back, lamenting the deleterious effects of decaying leaves on ground water. Here's what I don't get. Leaves have been decaying for millions of years. The ground water seems to have held its own all that time.

So anyhow, there I was today, raking and raking and raking. Stacking my leaves no more than 4 feet from the curb and less than 4 feet high. There are fines for the improper stacking and disposal of leaves. We mustn't anger Mother Gaia!

Even though I pay through the nose for property taxes I did everything by the book just like a good little automaton should. And while raking I had a thought — there's lots of time to think while you're moving piles of leaves from one end of your yard to the other — and my thought turned to how much fun it would be to have a helper. A cute helper.

Maybe even a cute helper named "Autumn". Get it? Autumn, for leaf season!

And so I present Miss Autumn Reeser. I sincerely doubt that she rakes leaves. But what the heck, if she was gonna rake some leaves she could rake mine. Couldn't she?

Posted at 23:34 by Chris Wysocki   [/rule5]   Comments | Perm Link |
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