July is National Ice Cream Month

It's 94 degrees outside, with a heat index of 101.

Who's in the mood for ice cream?

Um, let's try that again.

Ah, that's better!

Man, I love ice cream.

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Some Rule 5 for the ladies: Tim Tebow, shirtless, in the rain

It was Tim Tebow's first official practice as a Jet, and he didn't leave anything on the field.

Except his shirt.

Yes ladies, there are more pics at the link. Enjoy.

J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!

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There's a list of the 20 hottest conservative men in new media and I'm not on it?

Sheesh. I'm the only blogger wearing a tux. C'mon ladies, that's gotta count for something, right?

"The name is Blog. Wy Blog."

And yes, I can shake up a kick-ass martini.

Only 3 guys on this obviously deficient list bothered to even put on a tie.

On the other hand, they're all a lot younger than me. Can't do anything about that, I guess.

So go check out Gabriella Hoffman's rundown of The 20 Hottest Conservative Men in The New Media For 2012 and see for yourself how I stack up against the competition.

By the way, if you're into that sort of thing, there's also a list of the 20 hottest conservative women, which is what started this whole tomfoolery in the first place.

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That's 5,000 for Trog, 2,192 for me

5,000 posts in less than two years? The Trog, he is obsessed with blogging.

Me, I prefer quality over quantity. Because I can't match his prodigious publishing prowess. And I have a life.

But, friend that I am, I did manage to dig up some 5,000 year old Rule 5 goodness, with a face only a caveman could love.

Get it? Dig up?

Ah, whadda you know from funny?

And, although I can't be sure it's authentic, this is an archaeologist friend's best rendering of what la bonne cavewoman might have looked like, back in the day.

Here's to 5,000 more dude.

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Saturday Night Sunglasses

It was a great day to be hanging out at the pool.

Other Rule 5 goodness via a quick trip through the ole blogroll...

Donald Douglas features Avril Lavigne and Julia Lescova.

Gator Doug has a Silvan Krispin slideshow.

Bob Belvedere brings us the lovely and talented Wendy Fiore.

Fishersville Mike questions the, er credentials of an uptight Wall Street consultant.

BigFurHat notes that tomorrow is Raelian Go Topless Day. Briefly NSFW. Definitely strange.

William Teach wants to check your perceptive skills. Yes class, this material will be on the final exam.

Eye of Polyphemus dreams of Kristen Bell.

Reaganite Republican traveled to Romania and brought back Alexandra Stan.

Proof spent Friday night with Brooke Hogan.

Randy got knocked out by Carissa Rosario.

Lance is hoping for some kind of NASCAR cat fight.

Last but not least, Theo reminds us that Saturday night is bath night. Of course it is.

UPDATE 21 Aug 2011 11:47:
More? OK!

The Classic Liberal enlists Maggie Grace to defend capitalism. To the ramparts!

Serr8d found the secret to Candice Swanepoel.

UPDATE 23 Aug 2011 09:26:
And don't forget Rule 5 Monday at The Other McCain.

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Rule 5 Sunday: Super Slip n' Slide

I don't remember it being this much fun when I was a kid.

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It's the first Friday in June so that means it's National Donut Day!

Back in 1938, during the depths of the Depression, the Chicago chapter of The Salvation Army cooked up a novel idea to raise funds. They decided to honor the men and women who handed out donuts to the troops during World War I by selling donuts.

National Donut Day was born!

Yum, donuts…

Everybody knows I'm a donut fiend. A sure-fire way to get me to attend your early morning meeting is to mention that there'll be donuts. Yes, I can be bribed!

Especially if a comely lass handles the donut deliveries.

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Conservative hottie Patricia Heaton does not feel the Hollyweird love

The ever-tolerent lefties in Hollywood don't have very much actual tolerance for TV stars with strong Christian and pro-life beliefs. Which I guess is really only a surprise if you haven't been paying attention.

A lesser star might hide her politics. But where's the fun in that? The lovely and talented Patricia Heaton is no shrinking violet, that's for damn sure.

Saying her Hollyweird colleagues equate her with conservative "lunatics" Ms. Heaton acknowledges that her political views hamper her acting career.

"We know for a fact there are some people who have said they wouldn't want to work with us because of our politics," she said, with her husband David Hunt adding, "We get lumped in with lunatics."

Well, it's not like she's a communist…

"Mr. Welch? It's Senator McCarthy on line 2."

Yeah I know, the Irony Meter doesn't swing left.

It must be tough though, enduring the brickbats and whispered innuendos. Come out gay and you're some kind of hero. Come out conservative and you're a freak.

At least she's got a sense of humor about it. If the pantywaist poobahs of Mulholland Drive won't hire her, she'll make her own damn movies!

Patricia has teamed up with her director-husband to produce and distribute their own show, 'Versailles,' a new 8-part comedy web series airing on My Damn Channel. Patricia plays a deceased B-movie actress whose presence looms large over her two children (one played by David) as they produce a public access talk show.

"I don't think I could have afforded her if we weren't married," David jokes. "I was a bigger star then she was when I met her. She owes me. I took a decade off my career to raise the kids. Plus, a big bonus is she gets to sleep with the director."

And the director gets to sleep with Patricia Heaton!

Some guys have all the luck.

(Hat tip, Wombat-sacho)

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A little Kim Cattrall Rule 5 diversion for a Saturday night

Kim Cattrall's new movie debuts this weekend. It's an old story, virgin nerd pursues aging and jaded former porn star, redone for the digital age. To say the kid's got issues is the understatement of the week. Don't waste your money, it's sure to be queued up for Netflix by Tuesday.

Breaking out of her typecast sex kitten role from Sex and the City Kim explores the depths of the ex-sex-kitten genre. And she sure does it well. At the tender age of 54 Kim Cattrall has still got it goin' on.

See for yourself.

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Carol's March Madness Sweater Puppy contest is in full swing...

Carol from No Sheeples Here is once again running her March Madness Sweater Puppy Contest.

The Mind Numbed Robot won round one.

The rules say to enter pics of cheerleaders from your favorite college competing in the 2011 NCAA Division 1 Men's Basketball Tournament.

My brackets, they be busted. I have no "favorite" team. But there is a local team competing in the Women's Division 1 tournament.

I present, Rutgers cheerleaders.

That there is from 1976, the year I entered college at RPI. If the Rutgers women have their own cheerleaders this March they need to do a better job of publicizing that fact because I couldn't find any pics via Google.

So, what to do? I'm an RPI man and we don't know from basketball. Hockey is our sport and we're damn good at it.

RPI cheerleaders? Why yes, it's an officially sponsored club!

Incidentally, there are more girls in that picture than were in my entire graduating class.

Did Carol say "sweater puppies?" I believe she did!

Let's Go Red!

And there you have it. The prettiest lady engineers you'll see all week. They may not technically be cheering for March Madness, but face it, neither are any of us anymore. Not after the shellacking our brackets took.

UPDATE 04 Apr 2011 09:51:
The fix was in! The lady engineers lost!

Some "friend" that Belvedere fellow turned out to be, he completely ignored my obviously superior submission. So Bob, see that car out in front of your house? They'll be taking you for a little ride into the Pine Barrens. They just want to talk to you for a while. Trust me.

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I am shocked, Shocked! I tell you, to learn that staring at boobs won't really help me live longer

The villainous Cassandra throws cold water on our seemingly perfect plan to live forever.

Sigh. Yes boys, it is indeed a hoax.

The article referred to above was not printed in The New England Journal of Medicine or any other major medical journal. It is, in fact, a slight reworking of a piece that has run on at least two occasions in that celebrated tabloid Fountain of Truth, the Weekly World News (13 May 1997 and 21 March 2000) and has escaped into the wild. Although the Weekly World News occasionally slips up and prints a true story, we suspect this one belongs in the "HOW TO TELL IF YOUR DOG WORSHIPS SATAN!" and "NEW REMOTE-CONTROL DEVICE GIVES WOMEN ORGASMS - AT UP TO 80 YARDS AWAY!" class.
— snopes

I always wondered why that gadget I bought from late night TV never seemed to work…

Take it away Jillian!

Yeah, my sentiments exactly.

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A new study proves that Rule 5 is good for our health

Little Miss Attila is such a successful blogger that she is able to employ her own stunt double. Stunt boobies to be exact. Why would she need stunt boobies? Well, according to a recent bonafide medical study which she has helpfully emailed to all of her male blogging friends, men who stare at women's breasts live longer and healthier lives.

Hot damn, I'm gonna live to be 120.

And at the rate he's going, Bob Belvedere is destined for immortality.

In recognition of this momentous news American Digest has established today as Great Racks Day.

Here's to our health!

Thanks for the Mammaries LMA.

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Live from New York, it's Miley Cyrus!

Teen sensation Miley Cyrus is going to host Saturday Night Live on March 5^th.

PEOPLE reports that Cyrus will host the late-night variety show, which often parodies her in sketches, on March 5. Despite Cyrus' hit music career, she will not serve as the musical guest on the episode she hosts.

Sophie has already begged me to set the DVR.

The former Disney star, whose salvia-smoking video shocked fans earlier this year, may show viewers an edgier side when she takes to the 'SNL' stage in March. Cyrus recently told Marie Claire of her less-than-wholesome behavior, "I've always said, 'I'm gonna make mistakes.' I know this. And I think that that is one of the reasons why people related to me."

Uh oh. I think we've already seen enough of the "edgier" Miley to last us a lifetime. So I guess I'll have to pre-screen the recording before letting my nine year old daughter watch it. Great.

And it's not like she can't be wholesome either. Hannah Montana was quite successful, much more so than her later, "edgier" stuff. And she can dress tastefully when she wants to.

One thing's for sure though, Miley Cyrus is good for the hits. And not just the singing kind of hits either!

More after the jump...

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Happy Year of the Snow Bunny?

On the Asian lunar calendar it is the Year of the Rabbit.

Yum, rabbit. Braised, in nice red wine sauce.

What's that? You like rabbits but you'd prefer Snow Bunnies? Sounds good to me!

It's snowing again, who's up for some winter fun?

Just in time for a snow bunny snowball fight!

Let's see. Pretty girls. Rabbits. There's gotta be a joke in there somewhere, right? Certainly a double-entendre or two...

Stop me before I link to a hip-hop video... (Get it? Hippedy hop, like a rabbit? Ah, whaddya you know from funny!)

UPDATE 05 Feb 2011 23:04:
Linked at Mind Numbed Robot.

Thanks!

UPDATE 06 Feb 2011 16:10:
Also linked at Classic Liberal.

Thanks!

UPDATE 06 Feb 2011 22:40:
At The Other McCain, Rule 5 Wombat included us in his canonical Sunday Roundup.

Grazie!

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The Best Christmas Tip Story Ever

A few days before Christmas the mailman was making his rounds. As he approached the house of a young married couple the wife opened the front door and greeted him excitedly, "Come on in! I want to give you your Christmas gift!"

Since she was scantily attired in festive lingerie how could he refuse?

Entering the house he immediately noticed a sumptuous breakfast laid out on the dining room table. "Dig in!" she exclaimed, "I made it all myself." He enjoyed every last bite and got up to return to his appointed rounds.

"Thanks Ma'am, that was delicious!"

"Oh, but there's more! Please follow me upstairs," she replied with a wink.

And yes, you can guess what happened next.

When they were through he again made ready to leave, "I've really got to be going, it's getting late!"

"OK, but there's one more thing I have to give to you."

"Please, no more, I'm already way behind on my deliveries!"

She reached into her night table drawer and pulled out a single dollar bill.

"Here," she said. "This is the last part of your Christmas tip."

Seeing the puzzled look on his face she explained. "Last night when we were discussing what tips to give out for Christmas I asked my husband, 'what about the mailman?' And he said, 'Fuck him and give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea!"

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Rule 5 Weekend: Autumn Reeser rakes the leaves

Tuesday is our street's "leaf day". It's the one day our town comes by with the heavy equipment to cleanup piles of leaves from the street. We're not allowed to dump leaves in the street until 6 days prior to "leaf day".

Why?

Because, if you can beleive it, leaves cause water pollution. Remember Lisa Jackson? Before Barry foisted her bizarre version of eco-nuttiness on the whole country she was DEP Commissioner here in New Jersey. And she hated the idea of people dumping their leaves in the street and waiting for the town to get around to picking them up. Because you know, we've always done that. Well, we always did after the econuts decided we couldn't burn them anymore.

And then about 3 or 4 years ago the eco-warriors were back, lamenting the deleterious effects of decaying leaves on ground water. Here's what I don't get. Leaves have been decaying for millions of years. The ground water seems to have held its own all that time.

So anyhow, there I was today, raking and raking and raking. Stacking my leaves no more than 4 feet from the curb and less than 4 feet high. There are fines for the improper stacking and disposal of leaves. We mustn't anger Mother Gaia!

Even though I pay through the nose for property taxes I did everything by the book just like a good little automaton should. And while raking I had a thought — there's lots of time to think while you're moving piles of leaves from one end of your yard to the other — and my thought turned to how much fun it would be to have a helper. A cute helper.

Maybe even a cute helper named "Autumn". Get it? Autumn, for leaf season!

And so I present Miss Autumn Reeser. I sincerely doubt that she rakes leaves. But what the heck, if she was gonna rake some leaves she could rake mine. Couldn't she?

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Rule 5 interlude: 80's girl groups

Bob Belvedere has been delayed in his quest for hump-day Rule 5 by a request from his grand-niece. She wants him to make an 80's mix tape for her birthday party on Saturday. And she said, "No punk allowed!"

So no Ramones, eh Bob? Although I'm sure you'll wanna be sedated after the party's over! In their place I suggested some of the quintessential 80's girl bands. And in the interest of helping a fellow blogger carry the load, how about we let Rule 5 take its course.

My first suggestion? The B-52's, who I saw at Radio City Music Hall back in the day. Watch out for the Rock Lobster. And lead singer Kate Pierson has still got it goin' on. Yes Bob, I know how you're partial to redheads. You're welcome.

Just don't let your niece head on out to the Love Shack, OK?

Next up on the hit parade, The Go-Go's! They've got the beat.

Like the Obamas, Vacation's all I've ever wanted. Vacation, gotta get away. From the Obamas.

Here's some Belinda Carlisle. Yes Bob, she's a redhead now too. And she's definitely still got it Go-Go-ing on!

But whatever you do Bob, don't walk like an Egyptian. Even for The Bangles. Because you never know when it's just another manic Monday.

One more thing Bob. Love (even the totally hetero manly kind) is a battlefield. So like Pat Benatar says, hit me with your best shot!

So tell me Bob, is that niece of yours a real heartbreaker?

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It's National Cheesecake Day!

News you can use, today is National Cheesecake Day!

Who knew they designated a whole day just for cheesecake? It's got Rule5 written all over it!

So head on over to the Cheesecake Factory where they have pretty girls making cheesecake every day and check out their cheesecake.

Yum, cheesecake!

UPDATE 30 Jul 2010 18:33:
Bob Belvedere loves his cheesecake with a nice buttery cherry frosting.

You will too!

UPDATE 30 Jul 2010 22:13:
Who woulda guessed that cheesecake could make a robot's gears spin?

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Blog assistant! Get me a picture of Jillian Barberie, STAT!

After writing the previous post it immediately occured to me that I cannot in good conscience leave it as the top entry on my blog. An unsuspecting visitor upon being confronted with the visage of Helen Thomas in all her maniacal malevolence might run screaming in terror and never return.

Aside from copious amounts of brain bleach, the only known antidote to the image of Helen Thomas is a picture of Jillian Barberie.

You're welcome.

UPDATE 04 Jun 2010 21:49:
Gator Doug is a Jillian fan too!

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She's too sexy for Citibank

Debrahlee Lorenzana says she's too sexy for Citibank. The 33 year old Queens resident claims she was fired from her job as a business banking officer at Citi's Chrysler Building branch because she was "just too good looking".

She filed a lawsuit in which she alleges her bosses told her that the men in the office found her "too distracting". They say it like that's a bad thing!

"I can't help it that I have curves," Lorenzana told the Daily News.

The Village Voice calls her "a head-turning beauty" with "J.Lo curves meets Jessica Simpson rack meets Audrey Hepburn elegance."

See for yourself:

CBS News conducted an in-depth investigation into Ms. Lorenzana's "assets" and found them to be rated A+. (There are way more pictures here.)

Apparently this isn't the first time Ms. Lorenzana's charms have drawn too much attention.

Fortunately for us, burkas aren't all she looks good in!

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