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I'm home alone for the week. The wife and kid are off to visit family. And somebody has to take care of the dog. He's a pretty good dog, so I don't mind. Plus, I have to do everybody's taxes. Should I hire an accountant? Probably. But I'm stubborn. I have a degree in Mathematics. Surely I can figure out how to compute the cost basis of municipal bonds Tammy's Mom bought for Sophie before she was born.
Good thing I bought extra batteries for my calculator.
The people who created America's tax code hate Americans.
So I haven't had a lot of time to tend to my blog.
Tonight I made a dinner I like — calves' liver, bacon, and onions. The girls turn their noses up at it. But it was delicious, and Roscoe (the dog) liked it just fine too.
Alright, it's time for Things I Might Have Blogged About If I Didn't Have To Appease The IRS.
Indiana's RFRA. Mike Pence is a putz. He should have stood firm against the homofascists. Instead he appeased the forces of darkness, and now it's open season on Christians. Because forcing us to violate our faith is much more important than asking a homosexual to find another pizzeria. Thomas Jefferson said so, when he erected that imaginary wall of separation between Church and State.
Riddle me this Batman. In Colorado, it's against the law to refuse to bake a gay "wedding" cake. But not to refuse to create a cake with "anti-gay" slogans on it.
Because one is "hate speech." And the other, isn't.
Freedom? Yeah, we don't have that. What we have is tyranny.
Here's a News Flash kids. The very idea of homosexual "marriage" is Hate Speech to me. But alas, I'm not allowed to have that opinion. My beliefs are "improper." And I'll soon be whisked off to one of Hillary's re-education camps, the better to align my thoughts with Progressive Conventional Wisdom.
Or they'll load me into a boxcar.
That's always the end result of fascism, loading people into boxcars. Homofascism will turn out no differently.
Speaking of Hillary, here's some food for thought: The same media machine that lied about the UVA rape hoax and "hands up don't shoot" and begat Brian Williams and Dan Rather will swear they're telling you the truth about Hillary Clinton and her 2016 GOP opponents. Honest.
And if you believe them? You're a moron.
Sadly, far too many voters will believe it. Hook, line, and sinker. Right after they get done telling you that Fox News is biased.
Just like they're hyped for Barry's hopelessly horrible Iran nuke deal. The guy who traded 5 high-level terrorists for a deserter; the guy who turned Libya into a quadmire; the guy who's still hoping the Muslim Brotherhood can destroy Egypt; the guy who pulled out of Afghanistan only to get sucked back in again; the guy who sacrificed Yemen to Al Qaeda; and the guy who gave Russia a blank check in Ukraine, this time he's got everything under control.
He promises that Iran won't get a nuclear weapon.
And if you like your health insurance, you can keep your health insurance.
If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor, right after Obamacare saves you $2,500 per year too.
Remember when Bill Clinton spewed the same nonsense about North Korea?
Iran will get The Bomb.
Then, Iran will destroy Israel.
And Barack Obama will smile.
So, Happy New Year. May 2014 suck less than 2013.
Sarcasm aside, it's a bit of stretch for me to actually be happy about the new year. Too much bad shit has gone done in WyVille for that, and there's lots more on the horizon. But rather than bore you with yet another tirade against all things Obamunist, I'll just fall back on some Rule 5.
Neither of these ladies are actually featured in my New Year's plans, but I'm sure someone is happy to see, and be seen with them. So there's that.
One final thought. General Mattis, please do
this. I'd crawl through broken glass to join you. And it'd improve my
Courtesy of the indefatigable Robert Stacy McCain:
Obama has a web site that doesn't work and drones that kill people. Amazon has a functioning web site and drones that deliver gifts.— Robert Stacy McCain (@rsmccain) December 3, 2013
Well look who's trying to drag the Pony Express kicking and screaming into the 21st Century — Amazon.com! They've announced a deal to provide Sunday deliveries for Amazon Prime members via the U.S. Postal Service.
Amazon says it is teaming up with the U.S. Postal Service to deliver packages on Sundays.
The Seattle company says Sunday delivery will be available to Amazon Prime members in the New York and Los Angeles metropolitan areas at first. Amazon and the Postal Service plan to roll out service to "a large portion of the U.S. population" next year, including Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, and Phoenix.
Now you guys know I love to rag on the dinosaurs in the Post Office. But this time I gotta give 'em kudos for thinking outside the UPS box. Rather than cutting back on service, they're willing to try the exact opposite — enhancing their service to fill a void. And why not? Amazon promises "2 day" delivery, and last I looked Sunday was a day. Ergo, Sunday delivery!
Now if we could only convince Amazon to team up with HealthCareGlitch.gov...
Ace Ventura, please call your office.
A Riverdale condo complex plans to use DNA testing on dogs to figure out which of its residents aren't cleaning up after their pets — apparently the first in North Jersey to do so.
In a recent letter to residents, the management of the Grande at Riverdale said dogs' mouths will be swabbed for DNA. That way, any droppings found on the property can get the "CSI" treatment and be traced back to the pet owners who aren't taking care of business.
The letter cited a "small percentage of residents who have not been doing their due diligence."
Management plans to test dogs on Saturday or by appointment. Dog owners face a $100 fine if they don't bring in their pets for the testing by Nov. 1.
Afterward, any waste found on the property will be tested. Penalties will be stiff: Owners will face a $250 fine for the first offense, $500 for the second, and $1,000 for subsequent offenses.
The Grande is using PooPrints, a DNA-matching service provided by BioPet Vet Lab of Knoxville, Tenn. Eric Mayer, a company spokesman, says BioPet created PooPrints in 2010 after one of its scientists came to work fuming because she had stepped in dog waste.
"I want to know who did this," she said, according to Mayer. Since then, he said, the business has grown rapidly.
On the one hand, I'm all for punishing the assholes who don't pick up after their mutts.
On the other hand, at $29.95 a pop to extract DNA from dog poop, wouldn't
it be cheaper just to hire a kid to clean it up?
Come on down and wave to Sophie's girl scout troop in the West Essex Memorial Day parade. Then fire up the grill.
UPDATE 27 May 2013 11:28:
A beautiful day, and a great turnout for the parade!
Afterward, Sophie and her friends posed with WW II veteran Ted Fisher who served on the USS Forrestal. Mr. Fisher's wife said to me, "always with the pretty girls!"
In Seattle, they shall beat their swords into … Peace Bricks?
The city of Seattle is one of many that launched a gun buyback program in the wake of the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut last December. Now, city officials have decided what to do with the more than 700 firearms they received, according to the Associated Press.
They've decided to turn them into "peace bricks."
What are peace bricks, you ask? Apparently they are like regular bricks, but "carry messages of peace," and they'll be placed in various locations around the city.
I can't wait until the next anarchist / occupod protest breaks out. Because
those Peace Bricks sure will come in handy — for smashing store windows!
Take me out to this ball game! And feed me some Bacon Shell Tacos.
This is what happens when you put the choice of concessions into the hands of fans. The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor-league baseball team that is an affiliate of the Detroit Tigers, asked its supporters to vote for its top ballpark snack.
The highest vote-getter of its fourth annual food contest: the Baco, a taco with a shell made wholly from bacon.
True Awesomeness. And quite possibly the greatest snack food innovation of the 21st century.
Interesting question! Chief Justice John Roberts decreed the Obamacare Individual Mandate is Constitutional. So if Congress can force you to buy health insurance, why can't they also force you to buy a gun?
Before you call me crazy, allow me to reference the Militia Act of 1792.
It conscripted every "free able-bodied white male citizen" between the ages of 18 and 45 into a local militia company. Militia members were to arm themselves with a musket, bayonet and belt, two spare flints, a cartridge box with 24 bullets, and a knapsack. Men owning rifles were required to provide a powder horn, 1/4 pound of gunpowder, 20 rifle balls, a shooting pouch, and a knapsack. Some occupations were exempt, such as congressmen, stagecoach drivers, and ferryboatmen. Otherwise, men were required to report for training twice a year, usually in the Spring and Fall.
An amendment passed in 1862 extended the Militia Act to include Blacks recently emancipated by President Lincoln. And the totally Constitutional requirement for all men to own a firearm and report for militia training remained in effect until 1903 when Congress established the National Guard.
Now if I was a Conservative Congressman looking to throw a monkey wrench into the gun control debate I'd jump at the chance to reintroduce the Militia Act. Just call it the Individual Second Amendment Mandate. Guns for everybody!
Various cities and towns are already taking the initiative, why not go national? Heck, I'll even be a sport and forego any penalty for non-compliance. Why give the IRS more power, right? And if you're unable to afford a gun we can work something out along the lines of Obamaphones, maybe like a reversal of those idiotic gun-buyback programs.
The New Militia Act of 2013. Because an armed society is a polite society.
(AP) — The formal announcement by the Venezuelan government that Hugo Chavez has died sent shockwaves through the ranks of the Hollywood elite, who had long been the Venezuelan leader's staunchest supporters. Throughout the day, celebrities struggled to cope with the devastating loss.
"Sean is devastated, completely inconsolable," Sean Penn's publicist Amy Glattensturmer told the AP. "He's been in his bedroom all day. He won't eat, he won't berate his staff, he won't punch women, he wouldn't even come outside to look at the brand new Ferrari Enzo the studio sent him as incentive to read a script. He realizes that a true champion of the working class has died today, and, as one himself, Sean has taken the hit very hard."
"The relationship between celebrities and their dictators is a very close one," PR guru Benjamin Shaltzberg told the AP. "Hollywood celebrities had formed a huge bond with Chavez. It will be difficult to replace."
Throughout Tuesday afternoon, cars full of mourners were seen driving up to Tim Robbins' 20,000-acre private estate, called "Proletariat Meadows," in Westchester County. Robbins, who would not speak directly to the AP, did release the following statement on Twitter: "We who struggle in the working class have lost a hero — a man of strong hand, and one of the few who truly realized what a genius I am."
Read the whole thing, for more reactions from Naomi Campbell, Mike Tyson, Michael Moore, and Alec Baldwin. They're devastated, and they want you to know it.
They're also wondering who can fill Chavez's shoes. There are boots to be licked and commie butts to be kissed and their days will not be complete until they're safely ensconced in another lavish palace surrounded by starving peasants.
Kim Jong Un is waiting by the phone...
As you might have guessed, I was on vacation this week. Blogging was light, and my Facebook account saw zero action.
Sophie would say, "Good times, good times."
Thinking back on the week, it occured to me that Disney World is a microcosm of our own universe. And not just because you can walk from Mexico to Norway before you finish your margarita.
Everything requires that you establish your identity. Check in to a resort? Photo ID. Buy a souvenir? Key in your PIN. Enter a park? Scan your keycard, and validate your fingerprint. Try using the wrong finger? No entry for you.
There's no "ticket fraud" at Disney World.
Contrast that with voting. Say a name. Vote. Walk across the hall. Say another name. Vote again.
Yeah, that's secure.
The Disney people could solve our voter fraud problem in 5 minutes, with one hand tied behind their backs.
But then, Democrats might lose.
Our local officials "scaled back" their deer hunt this year. Because the Bambi-lovers demanded it. So instead of whacking 500+ deer like in previous years, they bagged 152.
The controversial county-sponsored deer hunt eliminated 152 deer this year, Essex County Executive Joseph DiVincenzo said.
The sixth annual hunt was scaled back to roughly half the scope of 2012's hunt and will serve as the model for next year, DiVincenzo said today at the South Mountain Recreation Complex in West Orange.
Officials will conduct spotlight counts in March and April at the county-owned recreation sites to determine deer density.
DiVincenzo, who was lobbied by conservancy groups at Hilltop and South Mountain to continue the hunt, said the deer management program aims to restore overbrowsing and prevent deer-related car crashes on county roads.
Yo Joe, the deer moved. Come visit my front lawn. You can hit your 152 quota without breaking a sweat, probably in less than a day. The little bastards are everywhere. Eating everything. If it was up to me I'd have your guys using flame-throwers. Bar-b-cue 'em right on the spot. Because your idea of "deer management" is to chase 'em out of your parks, and into my neighborhood.
My idea of "deer management?" Shoot every last one of the fuckers. Twice.
Maybe then my shrubs won't look like they'd been attacked by Agent Orange.
Or as it turns out, misguided hippy-dippy adoration for four-legged vermin.
A fake National Anthem for a fake coronation.
Beyonce Knowle's flawless performance of "The Star Spangled Banner" at the inauguration was entirely lip-synched, Page Six has confirmed. A rep for the United States Marine Band revealed that she decided to perform to a pre-recorded track at the last minute.
I'm not sure how "flawless performance" and lip-sync go hand-in-hand, but then
I'm just a blogger and not an Important Main Stream Media
It figures though. Dear Leader's potemkin presidency is personified by an artificial star's inability to honor the country we all know they both loathe.
And of course from now on anyone who actually sings the National Anthem will immediately be labeled a racist by the MSNBC idiot patrol.
It would appear we've finally reached the "twilight's last gleaming" part of our
This just popped into my Inbox. It's too good not to share!
2013 Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
I resolve to lie less frequently than Senator Harry Reid.
I resolve to take responsibility for my actions more than President Obama and David Gregory.
I resolve to be more faithful than Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, General Petreaus and John Edwards.
I resolve to take less credit for the work of others than President Obama.
I resolve to live within my means more than the collection of idiots in Washington.
I resolve to cheat less than Timothy Geithner.
I resolve to be less smarmy and condescending than Jay Carney and Bob Costas.
I resolve to not confuse winning an election with winning an argument, or confuse doing what's popular with doing what's right.
I resolve to have more character and stronger principles than everyone in the main stream media.
Someone please forward this list to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell. Stat.
Sophie sent this to me tonight. She thought it was funny.
Is she the Best Kid Ever, or what?
This is too funny not to repost. Stacy McCain describes the foibles of one Chamique Holdsclaw, recently of the WNBA.
Chamique Holdsclaw is 6-foot-2, 172 pounds. She was a three-time NCAA champion at the University of Tennessee and, during her 11 seasons of pro basketball, averaged nearly 17 points per game. And she is now wanted on an aggravated assault charge.
See, she got pissed at her ex-girfriend, and…
[Jennifer] Lacy, who is also a professional basketball player, said she drove to a friend's house on Hemphill Avenue, at which time Holdsclaw got out of her car with a baseball bat and began smashing the windows in Lacy's Range Rover, the report said.
After breaking the driver's side window, a rear passenger's window and the rear window, Holdsclaw produced a handgun, fired inside the SUV and fled the scene, the report said.
So, why is this funny? Well, first there's this:
Holdsclaw's Twitter profile describes her as "a mental health advocate."
Wait for it…
I suppose bashing in your ex-girlfriend's car windows — with a few pistol shots thrown in for good measure — might be considered therapeutic in some sense. NTTAWWT.
And then, it gets better!
Oh, my — this probably isn't great publicity for the lesbian reality TV show Chamique Holdsclaw was co-producing.
Gee, ya think?
Looking to capitalize on the reality TV craze while busting myths about lesbians, producers of "The Real Women of America" have cast a trailer with a diverse set of local women as its would-be stars.
With lofty goals to produce a "Real Housewives"-type franchise and expand into cities including New York, San Francisco, Miami and Dallas, among others, producers A.L. King, Tina Crittenden, India Alston and Chamique Holdsclaw are starting right here at home with a diverse group of locals.
Yeah, "busting myths", busting car windows, whatever it takes.
Me? I'd retitle that reality show "Scared Straight".
Last night, while using the PC for a school project, Sophie suddenly burst out laughing. She'd Googled "turkey pictures", because she was writing a poem about Obama pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving.
This popped up.
"Dad! Check your email!" So I did. And it said, "Put this on your blog!"
I love that kid.
Why does a married woman drink more? Because she's trying to keep up with her husband!
Marriage may drive a woman to drink, not because she's unhappy but because she's influenced by her husband's alcohol consumption, new research suggests. And men, on average, drink more than women.
Men, on the other hand, spend less time with their drinking buddies and more with their wives after tying the knot.
The solution is clear fellas. We gotta spend less time at home being a bad influence on our wives and more time out with the boys. Explain to the wife that it's for her own good, because we don't want to see her turn into a lush.
Hey, we're backed up by science. Can't argue with science, right?
New Jersey's first "medical" marijuana dispensary is set to open next month, right down the road from me in Montclair. And to help them get the word out, these two guys are making a radio ad.
Since this is the 21st century you stoners can
register online for your official
Get Out Of Jail Free New
Jersey "Medical" Marijuana ID card.
It's only $200. Unless you're on Medicare, Medicaid, or Food Stamps, then all you gotta cough up is a double sawbuck and us taxpayers will helpfully cover the rest of the tab.
Because we're compassionate. And you deserve nothing but the best.
No stems no seeds that you don't need,
Acopulco Gold is...
bad ass weed!
Prices for government dope haven't been set yet. But there are 13 doctors right here in Essex County who'll write you a prescription so you'll be ready when the doobie brothers open their doors. The shop is conveniently located right across the street from the Wellmont Theater where all the cool kids go to get wide and party into the wee hours.
The line forms around the corner.
Moments after the robotic rover Curiosity landed on Mars it beamed back the first picture to Earth.
President Obama immediately announced plans for a Mars Apology Tour, to be
combined with a fundraising event hosted by Shirley MacLaine and Fran Drescher
at the home of Valentine Michael Smith.