WyBlog to acquire The New York Times in stock swap deal

CALDWELL, NJ, April 1 /WyNewswire/ - Only days after their ill-conceived and revenue-fatal pay wall went live The New York Times has agreed to be acquired by an obscure New Jersey blogger in an all stock deal.

"I'm swapping my stock of old girlie magazines for what's left of their inventory of washed-up liberal pundits," said Chris Wysocki, founder and CEO of WyBlog.

The new publication, tentatively to be renamed "The New WyBlog Times," will be headquartered on the second floor of the Ringside Pub in Caldwell, NJ.

"It's the perfect location for a major new media daily," Wysocki said. "There's a bunch of big screen TVs downstairs so I can watch both Fox News and Fox Business and still keep an eye on ESPN. Plus I can glom WiFi from the coffee shop next door. And the bartender on Friday nights is really cute so I'm hoping my new-found success will finally convince her to pose for some tasteful Rule 5 pics."

The deal will close almost immediately. With the Times daily hit count plummeting faster than Barack Obama's poll numbers publisher Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger, Jr. needed to quickly unload what had become an albatross around his family's neck.

"I was taking a tour of what was left of their newsroom and overheard this guy crying in the corner, 'I wish somebody would make me an offer for this dump.' So I walked over and introduced myself and the rest, as they say, is history."

"What really sealed the deal was when I mentioned I had a mint-condition copy of the rare 1978 Girls of the Ivy League Harvard Law Review Supplement featuring both Hillary Rodham and Michelle LaVaughn Robinson. His eyes lit up and he just got this huge goofy grin on his face," Wysocki said.

Plans for The New WyBlog Times include a completely revised pay wall. "Pay for my beer and I'll let you in behind the wall," Wysocki said. "Hell, pay for any right-of-center blogger's beer and you're in like Flynn."

Staff reductions at the Times were immediate and brutal. "I went down to the parking garage and fired everybody whose car had an Obama bumper sticker on it. And for the 20 or so cars with Kerry/Edwards stickers, those guys I shot on sight."

An announcement recruiting a new, right-of-center, staff for The New WyBlog Times will go out next week. "Everyone on my blogroll is encouraged to apply," Wysocki said. "You're pretty much guaranteed a job so long as you link this post."

UPDATE 01 Apr 2011 08:37:
Theo Spark is sure to be hired on as our London Bureau Chief.

He was linking me before linking me was cool. You guys might want to take note of that.

Carol is angling for the Art Director slot by listing me as This Week's Featured Blog.

The Other McCain awards The New WyBlog Times with this week's Full Metal Jacket Reach-Around Award. That puts Stacy in line for Editor at Large, Smitty as our Chief Military Correspondent, and gives Wombat-socho a shot at helping Tori keep things running smoothly around here.

UPDATE 01 Apr 2011 10:22:
Bob Belvedere, who says he can't be bought, has nonetheless sealed the deal for a stint as Life and Style Editor.

Congrats on your new gig Bob!

UPDATE 01 Apr 2011 10:43:
Scratcher from Makes My Brain Itch is on the team!

He didn't ask for a particular job, so I'm assigning him to the coveted post of Guy Who Gets To Whack Paul Krugman Upside The Head Whenever He Feels Like It.

Because I can!

UPDATE 01 Apr 2011 11:23:
Hot off his one million hits milestone, Lance wants to come work for *me*.

Behold the power of The New WyBlog Times!

UPDATE 02 Apr 2011 08:59:
Gator Doug for Sports Editor!

The Olde Times wasn't much for sports coverage, but thanks to Doug that's definitely gonna change!

Meanwhile Fishersville Mike garnered himself an op-ed slot.

Our first staff meeting is tonight at 9:00 PM at the Ringside. Attendance is mandatory!

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