Sophie's science "homework", create an anti-fossil-fuel ad slogan

I just love it when the school tries to brainwash my kid. Nuance ain't their forte. Fossil fuels are bad! Alternative energy is the future! Save the planet!

Or so my daughter's science book would have us believe.

She came home with an index card last night. On it she was supposed to write and then decorate a "slogan" urging people to curtail their use of fossil fuels.

Smart-ass that I am, I immediately channeled my friend Jeff.

In the Future, everybody gets to freeze in the dark.

"Dad!" She whinced. "We're worried about pollution."

Oh, then how 'bout this?

Recycle this index card, or THE PLANET WILL DIE!

"No, Dad, it has to mention fossil fuels or alternative energy. Besides, I'll get in trouble if I write that," although she was giggling by now.

Wait, did someone say "alternative energy?" OK then!

Put solar cells on your roof, because who needs lights at night?

That one really cracked her up. "It says that in my book. Look ..."

And sure enough, in her book it says one "drawback" of solar energy is that it doesn't work without sunlight.

So we're back to freezing in the dark again.

"What about wind energy?"

Have you ever heard how much noise a windmill makes?

Put a windmill in your back yard, because who needs sleep?

We won't even bother with how many minced birds they make every day.

A look of horror came over her face. "Windmills kill birds?"

Yup.

Say, what if we put a positive spin on something that's actually practical, like nuclear energy?

"No Dad! Nuclear waste is toxic! It lasts forever!"

Oh boy.

I showed her some research on the new fourth-generation Thorium molten salt reactors. But I think it was a little too advanced for sixth grade. Still, the point took, not all nuclear energy is bad, and it's a heckuva lot cleaner than those evil fossil fuels her teacher wants to ban.

(Besides, we have a perfectly good place all ready to store our nuclear waste, except Dingy Harry Reid won't let us put it there.)

"What if I wrote about electric cars?"

Prius, the coal-powered smug-mobile!

"Coal?"

We burn coal to make electricity, along with oil and natural gas. But the president is closing all the coal mines and shutting down the power plants that burn coal. Presumably because he wants children in West Virginia to starve. Maybe you could write that!

"Children work in the coal mines?"

No, their fathers do. When their dad loses his job, the kids don't eat.

"Oh. I can't say that."

It was getting late. She decided to just regurgitate one of the Official Talking Points from her book.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

Or, I might add, the planet will die.

Posted at 10:57 by Chris Wysocki   [/education]   Comments | Perm Link |
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