"Hey roomie, I get the top bunk!" - Rod Blagojevich

"Don't you know those candles cause Global Warming?" - Al Gore

"Thanks for the house!" - Auntie Zeitumi

"House? You bought her a house?" - George Obama

"Dude, where's my Green Card?" - George Obama

"Are you sure it's really your birthday?" - Orly Taitz

"49 is a Big Effing Deal!" - Joe Biden

"Yeah, some party, thanks for not inviting me. Go back to Kenya." - Helen Thomas

"We can't sign your card because we can't see through our tears of joy." - JournoList

"Cake! Somebody told me there would be cake!" - Bill Clinton

"I baked it myself!" - Hillary Clinton

"Mom, why won't you bake my wedding cake?" - Chelsea Clinton

"Will you Clintons shut up already!" - Michelle Obama

"Happy Birthday honey, now move over so my mother can get more cake." - Michelle Obama

"What's Michelle got that I ain't got?" - Katha Pollitt

"Hey, I was gonna write that!" - Maureen Dowd

"Can you give me some pointers with my four iron? And Katha's number?" - Tiger Woods

"Great, now if I don't sign some white guy's birthday card Glenn Beck will get me fired from my new job."
- Shirley Sherrod

"It's your birthday and thanks to the Gulf drilling ban I get the presents!" - Vladmir Putin

"The president is NOT getting older! Those birthday party rumors are all LIES! But if he does get older, it's all Bush's fault!" - Baghdad Bob Gibbs

"Barry, you should check out this Dacha Vladmir set me up in. It's sweet!" - Tony Hayward

"Another guy got a house?" - George Obama

"George, go away, you're not part of the narrative!" - Ezra Klein

"We can see November from our house." - The American People

"Is there anybody here besides me who doesn't have a house?" - George Obama