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Chris Wysocki
Caldwell, NJ
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
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Tuesday, 08 October 2013
The government regulates everything, including how you rake your leaves
The days are getting shorter. The air is clean and crisp, and nights are pleasantly cool. Which can mean only one thing — Fall is here. And as the leaves fall from the trees our government wants us to know there are regulations for how we rake them.
Pages and pages of regulations. For leaves.
Two collection dates are assigned to each street in Caldwell. Residents can rake leaves to the curb up to six days prior to the scheduled pick-up date. All leaves must be curbside by 7 a.m. on the curbside pick up date.
Residents who place leaves on roadways before and after the specified dates will be subject to fines.
Mother Nature, fined for littering!
Biodegradable bags will be available for purchase at Caldwell Borough Hall and Caldwell Community Center during normal operating hours.
Yes, you have to use The Official Leaf Bags. You can't put leaves in plastic bags. You can't put leaves in the trash. And you can't make this stuff up.
Additional restrictions and requirements include:
Do not include any branches, grass clippings, cans, bottles, or debris in the leaf piles. Foreign materials damage your town's equipment and risk employee safety.
Do not place leaves within 10 feet of any storm drain or fire hydrant.
Arrange leaves in a long row across your property's frontage rather than in large piles. Leaf rows should not extend into the street more than 4 feet for safety.
Do not park vehicles over leaf piles. This makes leaf collection difficult and it is also a significant fire hazard. Avoid parking vehicles on streets during scheduled pick up days.
Got that? Thou shalt not run afoul of the leaf inspectors!
Really. There's a guy who drives around town all day in a white pickup truck, checking on the leaves. Because he has nothing better to do.
Back when I was a kid we burned our leaves in a big metal garbage can. Sitting around that fire, with my uncles drinking beer and telling stories, those were good times.
Leave it to government to take all the fun out of everything it touches.
Posted at 16:09 by Chris Wysocki
[/caldwell]
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